Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
