Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
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