Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
