I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
