she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
