genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Come see our sink grown plant.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
