you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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