Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Randomize
