Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
not ubering you a puppy
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Randomize
