Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
