Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
