before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
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My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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