so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I think my fart just growled at me.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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