you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
