Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Randomize
