Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
