I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
