The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Do you have feelings for this penis?
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