I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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