A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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