M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
