I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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