I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
