I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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