$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I am mentally ready for anal.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
