Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
