You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
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