i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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