Banned from zoo.
Again?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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