Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
