just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
