i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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