I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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