I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
