Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
