I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
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