did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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