How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
