I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
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i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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