I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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