Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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