And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Randomize
