Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
