I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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