I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
