New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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