you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
