oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
