i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
