well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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