After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
