Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
