that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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