Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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