So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
