I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
