my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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