I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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