Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
