Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I'm too high and old for this...
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
