God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
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Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
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Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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