you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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