he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Randomize
