she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
