They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Randomize
