I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
