What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
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