Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
