it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
