Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
