If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
