If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
