Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
