Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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