I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
