I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
This toilet bowl is my home.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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