I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
