his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
