I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
