If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
